My Body: An Interview with Erin Marcellina

My Body: An Interview with Erin Marcellina

I had the pleasure of interviewing Canadian singer-songwriter, Erin Marcellina, who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 8 years old. This interview focused on Erin’s new song, “My Body”, and the realities of living with T1D and working as a full-time musician.

Q: What originally drew you to music and songwriting? Did this part of your identity help deal with the diagnosis of T1D?

ERIN: Both of my parents are musicians, so music has always been a part of my life. I grew up playing piano since the age of four and have sung in a couple of choirs. My diagnosis [of T1D] was what drew me to songwriting. I officially started writing music when I was 13 or 14, a few years after my diagnosis. I felt this feeling of regaining control thanks to music, which was the thing that I would always use to escape everything. But when I was diagnosed, I felt that there was no way for me to escape because I was constantly thinking about diabetes.

Music and songwriting made me feel like I could take back control over my emotions and myself. It took a while, but I wouldn’t be as accepting of this part of me without the music I have created.

I didn’t accept myself the moment that I wrote my first song. It took a long time to fully accept being diabetic, but I feel like I’m there now, or at least close to full acceptance.

ERIN: This song is probably the most meaningful song that I’ve ever written. It’s so important to me because I wrote it for me. I love writing diss tracks. All my songs are about reclaiming your own energy and dealing with toxic relationships. This is kind of what this is. I was almost writing a diss track against diabetes, but it was really important for me to say, “my body” doesn’t work and not “I don’t work”. It’s not me that doesn’t work, it’s my dead pancreas. I think it’s really important for young diabetics to make that distinction. This [diabetes] is not your fault; you haven’t done anything wrong. In this song, I touched a lot on stigma as well, just how people view diabetes.

Q: Can you please share one example or story of how your song has impacted others?

ERIN: Whenever I perform this song, there is always going to be someone that comes up to me after and opens up about their story. I love how this song provides, like, a safe space for a stranger to come up to me and tell me their story. The second time I ever performed this song, someone, after the show had ended, comes up to me and she said this song really spoke to her because it had been a week and a half after getting diagnosed with breast cancer. She said that she had lost all sense of trust in herself, and she feels like her body was giving up on itself and she had done something to deserve this. She told me that this song was telling her that just because of the cancer, it doesn’t mean that she’s not herself. She found acceptance because of this song.

ERIN: One thing that I will always have on stage with me is a juice box. My new album, which is coming out later this year, the whole theme is a tea party, so sometimes I’ll put a juice box in a mug and have it on stage with me. When I first started performing, if I felt myself start to drop low, I would hide or turn around to drink my juice. Now, I fully embrace it; I think it’s cute. Before any show, I’ll do 24-hour vocal rest, so I don’t speak. I also don’t eat any dairy, but I do eat protein that day and night before I wake up, I’ll have a smoothie or some oatmeal. [Then] I’ll have rice or something that’s going to carry me through the show. I will also lower my basal rate the night before and day of because I’d rather not be chasing lows on stage. There have been times where I have needed to step off stage for 10 minutes to deal with my blood sugars and then I’ll go right back up. It used to be really hard for me to accept that, but now I embrace it and make it apart of the show. I am very grateful that my band members are so supportive and will play some instrumental music. I will also always have my phone with me on stage and I usually put under my paper copy set list. My trick is to turn off all notifications, except for my Libre alarms. This way, if I see the paper glow, I’ll move the paper and check my blood sugar. It’s so easy this way, it literally takes two seconds.

Q: How do you deal with schedule changes and late-night performances as a T1D?

ERIN: There have been so many times that I have had to deal with schedule changes and lots of late-night performance. When I started my career, I would push myself to my limits a lot because I would be so excited and felt badly for not going out with the band after my shows. I also used to put my priority towards performing, rather than eating and fueling myself. I would end up having to take three days off after just to catch up with my crazy blood sugars. It was hard to come to terms with not being able to do these 3am post-gig nights, but I’m OK with that now. If I still have energy after a show, I’ll stay up a little bit later. I have learnt to come to terms with where my energy levels are after a show, and I’ll go home and eat and sleep.

“I always want to put on a good show, which starts with taking care of myself. I have learnt that I must prioritize myself and my individual needs.”

ERIN: I want young T1Ds who are interested in the arts to know that they can do it. They don’t have to do it all at once, but they can. They’re allowed to have a juice box on stage. They’re allowed to cancel a rehearsal. They’re allowed to take a day away from the piece that they’re currently working on. Everyone has their own pace, and everyone has their own hurdles. For me, my biggest hurdle of my life is being diabetic, especially when it comes to performing. But I have done it and I do perform as a full-time job, and I do record as a full-time job. The beautiful thing about art is that it’s everchanging and there are no limitations. You can go at your own pace. I urge for young diabetics to find that passion and stick with it.